i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
