Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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