i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize