If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
