apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Randomize
