my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
