i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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