Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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