We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
