i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
