I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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