I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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