Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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