For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
