My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You ate ashes out of my bong
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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