come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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