How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
