Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
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In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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