I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
