i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
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He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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