Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
