Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there's paper in my vomit.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
