I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
