You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
