We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
