It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
