He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?