he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.