people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
