I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
