Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
