I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.