think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
