I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
