My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
