I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Are my feet made of real feet?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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