Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
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how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
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And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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