You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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