I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
