If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i would punch a child for taco bell
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
