i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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