I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
we're so committed to being not committed
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
