I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
