I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
