I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
