it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
