Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
