I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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