I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
