Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You pole danced in your parka.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
