then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
