Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
