well most of my day revolves around power hour
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize