Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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