Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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