wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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