He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
