god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
