I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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