so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
