umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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