Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
