Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
