dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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