Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
