don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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