my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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