Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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