I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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