So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
