I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
