when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
