I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
