sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
