Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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