Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
