hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
