i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
