Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
