herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
