If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
